As writers, why do we let negativity affect us so much?
Why can one negative remark stick with us, upset us, deflate us, ruin our mood or even our whole day?
Why is that we can receive dozens of compliments and not obsess over any of them, but when a stranger says something negative we let it fester?
I don’t have the answer.
But as an author who has my beloved stories “out there” for strangers to love or hate, I have developed a cardinal rule, a mantra, a declaration that every writer/artist/human should keep in mind at all times: You can’t please everyone.
You can’t. I promise you; YOU CAN’T.
Stop trying. Stop worrying about the people who don’t like what you’re doing, saying, or writing. Readers have different tastes and expectations. Over six billion people exist on this planet. That’s A LOT of opinions. Don’t focus on the people who don’t like you, your book, or whatever. They are entitled to their opinion--even if it’s negative.
Focus on the positive. Focus on what makes you happy and keep doing it. Authors, embrace each and every tweet, email, review, or comment from readers who say they loved your book. Let those comments be the ones you replay in your mind as you go to sleep each night. Focus on the positive. Brush off the negative.
Art is subjective. Life is subjective. Opinions are subjective. Books are most certainly subjective. Go read reviews of the most popular book you can think of, I assure you, there will be people who didn’t like it. It’s normal. It’s expected. It’s a given. Because it’s all subjective.
Every writer has been through this struggle--or will at some point in their career. We all take the negative comments to heart--even though we shouldn’t. Maybe it’s because we put so much heart, soul, and passion into our writing. When someone says our heart, soul, and passion is crap; it hurts like hell.I know. I get it. I’ve been there. I still occasionally read a negative review and reach for a cocktail to help me cope, but then I remember my number one rule. I repeat my mantra.
I can’t please everyone.
Then I reread fan mail and positive reviews, and focus on the proof that many people out there DO love my work. Those readers make this crazy roller coaster ride of writing the best and most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. Haters and all.
My unexpected project this weekend has been a stray dog. She's been hanging around the neighborhood for a week or so and yesterday she approached me--hesitantly. After some trust-building time she finally accepted some water, then a tiny bit of food. She is skin and bones, filthy, covered in heat rash and bug bites, and was constantly biting at the hundreds of fleas attacking her.
She's doing much better. She's sleeping peacefully, wagging her tail, happily accepting love and attention, and no longer has fleas attacking her. I wish I could keep her, but my other two rescue dogs are high maintenance (awful allergies and a cancer survivor) I can barely afford the all the special food and medications as it is. I just can't take on a third. *heart breaks*
