EDITING IS VERY IMPOTENT

My brain is swollen from editing. I would blog about my progress, but I've used up all of my creative oomph for the day and I worry my eyes are no longer able to catch any glaring errors I might type. Instead, I will let my new favorite sage, Taylor Mali, entertain you with a message about the importance of proofreading.

*Warning: If young and impressionable children are within hearing range, you may want to watch this later. Some lines are rated PG-13. Maybe R. I don't know what the guidelines are these days.*


I know. I heart him too.

What's the most funny or embarrassing mistake you've made in your writing because you didn't proofread thoroughly? You may also list non-personal examples.

EDITING PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

March will be all about editing my novel. I love the editing process. I'm pretty sure Daft Punk does too. Why else would they make a song consisting almost entirely of editing verbs?

Technologic is my song of the month. Some of the words don't apply to me, but most do. I might write a few of them on my hands (like the guy in the video) as a reminder of what to do in the days ahead.

Take notes. They give good advice.


I have created cliff notes for those who don't have time to watch the video. Important directions are in bold, or red, or both.

Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail - upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick - erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick - rewrite it,
Plug it, play it, burn it, rip it,
Drag and drop it, zip - unzip it,
Lock it, fill it, call it, find it,
View it, code it, jam - unlock it,
Surf it, scroll it, pause it, click it,
Cross it, crack it, switch - update it,
Name it, rate it, tune it, print it,
Scan it, send it, fax - rename it,
Touch it, bring it, Pay it, watch it,
Turn it, leave it, start - format it.

Technologic

(The REAL video for this song is a bit creepy. If you're a horror writer check it out.)

As you can see from all those verbs, I will be busy. I'm sorry if I slack off on blogging or commenting.
How's your writing coming along? What's your goal(s) for the month? Do you have a song that motivates you?

HURRY! OFFER FOR QUERY CRITIQUE!

UPDATE 3/3: You missed the query critique. Sorry. But...

Weronika Janczuk is having an AMAZING CONTEST where you can win books, critiques, and more! Go check her out and follow her blog. She is going to be one of those literary world superstars and we can all say, "I knew her back when."

If you want to see what you missed keep reading, but please don't get upset if you wanted to participate. I don't want all that guilt on my conscious.

YOUR STORY DOESN'T HAVE TO BE COMPLETE! Or polished, or edited, or ready to submit. All you need is a query and your first 10 pages. If you have that and can follow simple directions then you are guaranteed feedback.

The extremely generous Weronika Janczuk is offering to critique ALL queries and sample pages that hit her email box TONIGHT between the hours of 6-8pm (EST). Quick! Run! Type fast! Send it to your betas to be proofread. You're running out of time! Even if you won't be ready to query for another 6 months, wouldn't the opinion and feedback of a gatekeeper for a literary agent be PRICELESS to you?

Mmm hmm, I thought so.

Even if you don't seize the opportunity to get feedback from Weronika, go follow her blog because she's fabulous.

Why are you still reading this? Go! Follow her!

LIKE, TOTALLY GENIUS, YA KNOW?

My lovely friend, Dominique, posted a great video/poem on her blog. She said it was genius, and I couldn't agree more. Before you watch the referenced brilliant video, let me explain why I wanted to reach through my computer screen and hug Taylor Mali.



As a YA writer, I sometimes wonder if I'm classifying myself in the correct genre. My stories blur that fine line between YA and adult. My teen characters will never be the types to, like, totally talk in that teen slang stereotype. My fictitious crew are more "mature" than most regular teens, but you'd need to read the books for that to make sense and not offend anyone. Even if my stories didn't contain characters living fantasy lives that gave them much more life experience than real-life teens, I would still give teenagers more credit. Not ALL of them say like, or totally, or whatever, or repeat the newest popular phrase or word every other sentence. I believe teens can read a story and relate to the characters emotions, decisions, trials and tribulations, etc. without having to throw in ten pop culture references and forcing their speech patterns to sound like what's popular.

First of all, that kind of writing will date your novel.
Secondly, teens and fads change fast. One old man sings a funny song on American Idol and all of a sudden the newest saying in high schools revolves around "pants on the ground." If you aren't psychic and don't know what will be popular in a year or two (because that's how long it will take your book to make it to print even if you signed tomorrow) it's next to impossible to sound current for that exact moment in time. Plus, don't you want people to read your book years or decades from now and not feel like they are flashing back to the year 2010? (Unless that's the point of your book, then by all means, make 2010 as nostalgic as possible.)

Third, --and this is the most sad, but also kind of funny--adults are starting to sound as bad as teens. (I mean that in the nicest way. I know I'm guilty of it at times.) BUT, as a writer, I hope I can write better than I speak. That I can figure out a way to make my stories and characters feel real and believable in more effective ways than by creating lazy dialogue lines. Please, good literary gods, give me the power to provide my readers with more than that.

I'm not out to change the world by taking a stand against excessive and improper use of adverbs, the word like, or adding ya know? to the ends of sentences that aren't questions. I just want my characters (or at least most of them) to be articulate. I want them to speak with conviction. I want to help make declarative sentences cool again and inspire meaningful speaking with well-spoken dialogue. Not so much that I become a historical writer, using only proper English that doesn't sound current (they have another fabulous genre for that), but enough that I can read my stories ten years from now and be proud that I only slipped in a few current bad habits into my characters speech patterns.

*Steps down off soapbox* Watch the video. You'll not only be entertained, smile, and nod your head in agreement, you'll understand what I'm trying to say...ya know?

KICKIN' ASS AND TAKING NAMES--AND ADVICE

Many times I've heard writers complain about how hard writing is. They don't want to do it, it's agonizing, they hate writing but like having written, they can't edit one more page or they'll stab themselves with a pen, etc. I don't get it.

I love writing. Why else would I do it? Sure, the stuff I write isn't always great, witty, or poetic, but I'm creating. I'm expressing myself. Many times after a short warm-up of writing lame, straight-to-the-trashcan rubbish, I fall into my groove and the good stuff starts to flow. Then that writers high kicks in, and--in my own mind--I'm a story Jedi and completely unstoppable. I love that feeling.

Maybe that's why I love dancing. The warm-up is usually mundane. I might be stiff, cranky, or stressed, but I know that once my body starts moving, the rush of adrenaline and endorphins will release and the music will transport me to a different world. That's pure bliss to me. If you really want to get me pumped, put me on a dance floor, throw on hip-hop or house music, and challenge me to a battle. Watch Miss Ballet/Lyrical/Contemporary Dancer throw rules and structure out the window and "take it to the streets."

Which brings me to my point about kickin' ass.

I know I'm not the next J.K. Rowling. If the literary world was a dance floor and she and I went head-to-head, she would show me up instantly. Does that mean I wouldn't step up and do MY thing? Heck no. I'd jump in there and throw down with my best stuff. BUT, I'd watch J.K., study her moves, shake her hand, bow humbly, and then go home and practice my own variation of her skills in the mirror. That's how we learn. Watch, study, practice, make it our own, and never stop filling our arsenal with knowledge, skill, and experience. It's a huge dance floor (the world of writing) there will always be someone bigger and better out there. It doesn't mean we should stop dancing (writing) or complain about how hard it is.

If you want to learn a lot about writing a strong MC, developing relationships between characters, and making rules of fantasy believable, go read Graceling by Kristin Cashore. (The photo is not the American cover--I think it's the UK--but I adore this version so I'm using it.) Graceling made me want to improve my craft and draw people into my stories the way Kristin did. Not to mention, Katsa (the MC) is the biggest bad ass I've seen in a long time. I'd love to see Katsa and Katniss from Hunger Games battle it out on a dance floor. It would be one heck of a showdown!

I'm not saying that every second of our writing careers will be easy or even fun, but it should be passionate. Even if you're passionately miserable about a character, or your plot, or your word count, that's still passion. Do something to pull yourself out of the funk. Read a great book, study the craft of your favorite author, write something totally different than the story you've been obsessing about for months. Switch it up. Have fun. Go challenge someone to a battle and learn from them. It will only make you better and stronger and you'll probably have a good time while doing it.

I'll close with some advice from Stephen King. If you won't listen to little ol' me I know you'll listen to a superstar like him:

"You can approach the act of writing with nervousness, excitement, hopefulness, or even despair--the sense that you can never completely put on the page what's in your mind and heart. You can come to the act with your fists clenched and your eyes narrowed, ready to kick ass and take down names...Come to it any way but lightly.
Let me say it again: you must not come lightly to the blank page.
I'm not asking you to come reverently or unquestioningly; I'm not asking you to be politically correct or cast aside your sense of humor...This isn't a popularity contest, it's not the moral Olympics, and it's not church. But it's writing, damn it...If you can take it seriously we can do business. If you can't or won't, it's time for you to close the book and do something else."
~Stephen King, On Writing

I bet Stevie could throw down some wicked dance moves. ;)

THESE SWORN TRUTHS

On Saturday I shared ten anecdotes about me or my life. One was a lie. I have to admit I enjoyed reading all the guesses about which one was made up because most of you were WRONG. This means I am a convincing story teller. Now I can proceed with chasing my dream of being a fiction writer with confidence. Thanks folks.

If you didn't read my ramblings you should go check them out BEFORE you read my answers below. Seriously, some of them are pretty craptastic if I do say so myself. And if you read the answers without knowing the stories this post won't be very entertaining (or make much sense.)

Now, onto the not-so-big reveal.

The majority of you guessed #7 was a lie.
Poor Mrs. Smith eating the million dollar M&M.
Sadly, and I can't imagine how often she must think about it; it is TRUE. I can hear all of you gasping and sighing for her. Wherever she is I'm sure she appreciates the sympathy--and is still trying to erase the incident from her mind.

We'll knock out the rest of these bad boys in order:

1.) I write in all capital letters all the time.
TRUE! Crazy, and yes it may sound too time consuming, but it's just the way it is. I do sign my name (in cursive) with lowercase letters when it's absolutely necessary, but that's the only exception. If you receive a card or letter from me you're going to see KAREN printed in all caps with some sort of doodle or fancy line under it.

2.) Aussies and Brits are like coffee and chocolate to me.
TRUE. Duh. I mean how many posts and/or comments have I swooned over someone or something of the British or Australian variety?

3.) I elbowed a famous superstar choreographer.
A few of you were hoping this was true. Not so much the elbow part, but the getting to dance with Sonya Tayeh aspect of it. Sleep easy tonight. It's TRUE. She even agreed to take a photo with me after I accidentally assaulted her. PS: I also danced with Sabra (winner of season 3).
4.) I landed my first solo skydive perfectly with no radio assistance.
I could only find a photo of my tandem jump, but the AFF solo landing is TRUE. I even have my jump log with my instructor's comments to prove it. He wrote, "PERFECT LANDING with NO RADIO." I didn't even ask him to write in all caps.

5.) I blew my chance to possibly be on the first season of The Amazing Race.
*Head to desk* This one really stings because I just watched the newest episode last night. *Deep inwardly sigh*
It's TRUE. *Shakes fist at the sky* We don't need to say anything else about this. It's just too painful.

6.) I had such horrible hives that I looked like an alien.
Dumb. My own idiotic fault for overdosing on Aleve, but TRUE. Come on, they couldn't all be spectacularly shocking. I wish I had a photo though. You would either have nightmares or a great image for your next sci-fi/fantasy character.

7.) No photo, but let's all give one more sympathetic groan and head shake for Mrs. Smith. She wishes someone took a photo of her with that M&M, and a pic of the bag with the serial number. I wonder if she ever ate M&Ms again. I wouldn't. It would be too painful.

8.) I won $720 in one shot of roulette.
TRUE. I couldn't believe it either, but I swear it happened. My two girlfriends can confirm it. They were a tad jealous and in disbelief at first but we love telling the story.

9.) A house I almost bought was leveled by a hurricane months later.
Cleverly Inked was the only one to guess correctly. THIS IS A LIE. I didn't get the house, but that was only 4 years ago and thankfully, no major hurricanes have hit my area of Florida since I moved here (knock on wood). These are the kind of stories I create to make myself feel better when crappy or disappointing things happen to me. Speeding ticket? It happened because if I hadn't got the ticket, I would have caused a 10 car pile up and people would have been hurt and possibly died. Then I'd have to live with that guilt and agony all my life. Extreme? Yes. But it makes me feel better about paying the $200 ticket, not getting the house, etc.

10.) I hit on Elliot Sadler (NASCAR Driver)
TRUE. I think my mom still wonders what might have been if I didn't move away to Colorado and lose touch with him. Okay, maybe it's me that wonders what might have been. Wouldn't we have made beautiful NASCAR racing babies?

So there you have it.

Some of these events would have never happened if I had done one thing differently, or made a different choice, or chose another path, but that's how life is. Cause and effect. Synchrodestiny. Some good, some bad. You roll with the punches, you learn from the supposed mistakes or missed opportunities, and you hope that in the end there might be a happily ever after. Or, at the very least, that you'll be able to tell some damn good stories.